“Your beliefs become your thoughts, your thoughts become your words, your words become your actions, your actions become your habits, your habits become your values, your values become your destiny.” Gandhi
The method of seeing beyond the behaviors is a simple and effective method that we use time to time in our daily communication without being aware of, which we can consciously use to improve our communication quality in our relationships. I had started to share my thoughts about not worrying about small things and spending life in the most enjoyable and efficient way possible (you can reach my related article “Don’t worry about the little things, they’re all little things” by click on here). By using this method, we can evaluate people’s approach to us by pulling ourselves out of the event and try to understand the situation of the person. It is a kind of empathy technique and a product of the philosophy of forgiveness. You can consider many daily events that you can take advantage of this method. As an illustration, suppose you want to ask some important questions about your investment accounts to a consultant in your bank and have to reach a meeting in the office in about an hour. As a consequence, you’re rushing because your time is very limited. But there is a long queue in the bank, and you get the impression that the bank clerks are working very slowly. Have you started to feel the tension inside you? In these kinds of scenarios, think about this method before you start to get stretched and start shouting to people. What could be the reason why bank officers move so slowly? Maybe, there were too many customers have arrived before you go, and the clerks have slowed down due to their fatigue, or there is general unrest in the workplace for any reason, which may be reflected in the work logs of the employees, or there may be different unhappiness causes. Moreover, maybe they are not doing the job slowly, but because you are in a hurry, your perception may give you the impression that things are going slow.
When you look from a different perspective, you can interpret events differently. Instead of interpreting events in your life tense and furious, you can feel less tense and more peaceful by acting more understanding. By this technique, you can think about the situation of the person in front of you and approaching him/her with understanding even in the situations where you could completely justify yourself. Many of us unconsciously apply this method when it comes to our families. If we had an understanding of love, which is increasing or decreasing according to the behavior of the child, it would probably not be so easy to love them, would it not? Reflecting our habits of towards our children to our overall communication will greatly improve our communication quality. Instead of interpreting situations to our own favor, try to interpret them in favor of the others, for communicating more effectively and more positively. In the example above, instead of yelling at the clerks, you can say “You seems to have a tough day. I think you need to have a rest.”. If you act with interest and understanding, the other person’s approach to you will probably be positive. He/She will probably feel better than he/she is present and will be willing to help you. You will also have a happier day because of your calmness. Try using this method in your daily communication, you will notice that you are beginning to feel less tension. This will make you a happier person and a better communicator.
K.