Understanding The Opposite Gender

“Man is always looking for someone to boast to; woman is always looking for a shoulder to put her head on.” Henry Louis Mencken

John Gray’s masterpiece, which was appreciated by the masses when it was published in 1992, was ranked No. 1 for 130-weeks on the bestseller list. The book is a comprehensive source of this broad topic. The writer mentions a wide range of communication models between the two genders and tries to clarify the issues about the difficulty of understanding each other.
It’s not a new issue, we all know about this topic. People have faced similar problems since the beginning of creation; unable to understand the opposite gender. If I told you men had a little bit more trouble to do with it, you’d probably agree with me. There are always similar talks about understanding women in the men’s conversations from 7 to 77; “I do not understand women.“ “I couldn’t explain myself to my wife.” etc.
On the other hand, although women’s communication skills make them a little more proficient in understanding their partners, it is undeniable that both sexes have some difficulties in understanding each other. These two sexes, having different nature and live their relationships according to their own norms and often do not realize or think about the differences. Knowing the gender differences can move the relationship to a different dimension.

According to John Gray, some fundamental differences between men and women are;

1-Relationship expectations are different.
Men need to feel that they are required. Women can feel completed in relationships where they feel supported and loved. Many men do not know how important is it for a woman to be supported by someone, and even if he knows, he doesn’t find it rational. For this reason, there are some dialogues frequently appeared between men and women, like;
“K: Jack, do you love me?”
“E: Susan you know I love you. Otherwise, why would I spend 15 years with you?”
In fact, while asking these kinds of questions, women express their need for attention, and they want to hear the feelings and thoughts that can be perceived as apparent for a man. It is critical for a woman to know and feel that she is not alone.

2-Values are different.
While sharing feelings are essential for women, individual success is paramount for men. A man is forced to understand the meaning of intimacy and sharing for women. Because males are more individualistic. The woman needs to accept this individuality of the man. If he has a problem, she can be upset if he does not share it with her. However, the right thing should be to leave the men alone in such periods. So he regains his power and completes his self.

3-They have different ways to cope with stress.
While men generally prefer to be alone and try to solve their problems on their own, women seek support by sharing their problems. That is why men may not welcome the efforts of women to help them in situations where they do not want help. They also perceive women’s need for talking differently and suppose that they need solutions, and naturally, they offer some solutions. Moreover, if their solutions are not dealt with, they will lose interest in the topic. However, the woman only wants to share her feelings.

4-Although they use the same alphabet, they speak almost in different languages.
That’s why they often misunderstand each other. Men usually speak with short and clear sentences towards the target. However, women often approach events emotionally and expect people to support them, rather than respond. For this reason, sharing sympathetic and supportive words can fulfill the expectations of communication with women and reinforce the relationship.

5-They have different approaches to personal privacy.
Even if the man is very close, he will feel the need to get away from time to time. Especially when there are problems in his head, he thinks he should solve them alone. Because women’s behavior is generally the opposite, women try to encourage men to share their problems, or even force them. Instead of this, it may be an excellent option to give some time.

6-Women seek affection, compassion, understanding, and respect, while men seek love with confidence and appreciation.
Both genders share love according to their needs, and this can prevent their spouses from fulfilling their expectations. Enhancing the relationship should be one of the building blocks of a happy union.

Even though it may not seem possible to terminate the gender conflicts and disagreements that have been going on for hundreds of years; the best way seems to understand opposite gender as much as possible for happier home life. I suggest you read John Gray’s beautiful book to improve your knowledge and skills on this crucial subject.


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